Experiences

Today I was blessed with a touching experience. One that is giving me chills as I think about it hours later. I felt to lord's presence in my life, in my heart, and in the church.I felt the lord reach out and speak to my heart...leading me exactly where I need to be. Exactly what he wishes me to do.There are moments like this, the one's that reveal themselves when we least expect it. Moments that compel us forward. Moments that pierce through straight to our hearts like lightning.These moments come into our mind and soul and almost shock us. They feel as if they have come out of nowhere. Then we realize that God has been planning this all along... It's like a puzzle being put together piece by piece...before the peices seem small and maybe insignificant...then suddenly they all come together perfectly all pieces working together to create one beautifully PLANNED masterpiece. That is how amazing our God is. I fail to remember that he always has a plan for us. Everything he does is backed with purpose. Even when we are far from him, he is ALWAYS near us. We are the one's blinding his presence. I have said this before-but the true power in it has never been as clear as it is today. When I was in my eating disorder, I was EMPTY. SHALLOW. LIFELESS.I was far,far away from the lord. I was spiritaully dead. This whole time God never gave up on me. He blessed me in ways that I did not see as blessings at the time but those blessing saved my life. He saved my life when really.... I thought I didn't want to be saved. He was there ALL ALONG.I was the one turning away from him. When I am confined in the depths of my disorder, I have no experiences. I have minutes, hours, and days sucked away. I go through life motions but I am not living at all. I have closed myself off from these messages God sends. In that time, I never once felt God just speak to me. I never felt the heart changing, all consuming power of his word being written directly on your heart. If I stay in my eating disorder, I may never feel that again. When God saved me from the darkness,he also blessed me with hope, love, and direction. I feel him guiding me along the way. I now have my heart completely open and devoted to him and now I can feel him. I have the blessing of EXERIENCING the all consuming feeling of God speaking directly to my heart. He worls in mysterious ways.... He has a plan. Today, I woke up with full intentions of restricting and sinking back into a few old behaviors. By 11:00 am, I felt the lord touch my heart in such a way that also helped me realize.... this is not what I need to do today. God is saying to me are you kidding Laura? You have so much to offer to others. I will bless you with the tools. Let me in. Look to me not your disorder. He reminded me of exactly what tugs on my heart when I start slipping backward.... I can NOT help others heal until I first heal myself. God completely turned my day around. I followed my meal plan 100% today. If I were not seeking the lord, I may have not been able to hear his words. I may have started day one of another slipery slope leading me down that same old dark road.