CHRISTmas Vow

                  It is so natural to get sucked into the worldly aspects of the holiday season. It seems to me that just as all worldly things that become number one on our list, the worldly aspect of Christmas can seem irresistibly appealing to our human eyes. I mean who doesn't like to get gifts and lose oneself in fantasies like the belief Santa Claus? This season is also a time when we all seem to become more stressed and depressed. Phrases like "it's the most wonderful time of the year" are all around but many of us are just "trying to get through the holidays." Why is this? I believe that it boils down to the fact that we become so wrapped up in the materialistic qualities of the season and we completely lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas. If God is not number one on our list he does not fall anywhere on our list. He does not want to be number two or three. It's so easy to become so consumed with the temptations of life here on earth that we forget about him. I mean why do we need him when we have such a rapidly advancing technology? We desire to have all of our human needs met and met with instant gratification..
              The truth of the matter is that no matter what multitude of riches we collect here on earth we can not buy the only thing that truly fulfills our every need. No one can buy their way into heaven without seeking Jesus Christ. We not only have to seek him but place him on as number one ruling over our entire life. My point is that Christmas has become so world focused and with this focus our expectations are never fully met. Many people's depression or sadness levels actually increase throughout this season due to many reasons. When we place the Lord as the center focus of our lives and turn our lives completely over to him we receive treasures that no amount of money can purchase. Christmas is meant to be a celebration of the birth of our Lord and savior. We all participate in giving and receiving of gifts but we forget the greatest gift of all. The gift paid by Jesus Christ on the cross. God sent his only son to save the world from all sin. When Jesus is in our heart, we have already received the only gift we could ever need. Forgiveness of our sin and a place in heaven's eternal kingdom.

The past few weeks have been difficult. I have felt very depressed and a little hopeless. I have been battling the eating disorders temptations to "fix" all my problems. Events have triggered the eating disorder to rage even louder than I was already battling. I arrived at Christmas Church service feeling very depressed with many thoughts of self-hatred and also battling eating disorder thoughts and attacks on my body. I began to worship, when suddenly I felt God convicting me. It was as if he was telling me he understood all that I was facing but that if I would only open my eyes, heart, and arms to him he would heal me. I felt him shift my heart from focusing on the hurt to focusing on the blessings. I then realized all that evil had been deceiving from me. Yes, I have a lot of hurt and shame in my heart. I also have a few amazing friends that are more like family to me. I have been blessed with friendships that extrude love for God. Friends that support one another, love one another, challenge one another, and most importantly worship their heavenly Father together. I have a wonderful sister, two incredible grandmothers, and a family that is extremely dysfunctional but very loving. When I was engulfed in the depths of my eating disorder, God never gave up on me. He was always there calling for me day after day until the day that I finally was able to hear his calling. Jesus Christ saved me from death physically, mentally, and spiritually. No matter how far away I was from him he never gave up and he never stopped loving me.

           I am not yet to a place that I can fully believe and trust in the fact that I am loved unconditionally or a place in which I love myself unconditionally. I still hurt and battle depression but there is one thing I can confidently say. I am BLESSED. This Christmas I vow to set all else aside and focus on gratitude for my many blessings. I want to celebrate Jesus this Christmas. I vow to celebrate his birth and the true meaning of Christmas.

Love in Christ,
Laura Katherine

Sticks and Stones

I spent today working on a friends house. I took a break for a second to get water. As I stood in observation a married couple that were also lending a hand. They were painting while two of their children took their afternoon nap and the other was playing. The small boy walked over to his mother, placed his hands on the paint brush and said "mommy, I want to help paint." I was expecting her to say no, telling him that he is too young or can't do it right or anything but what she said. She said "yes, here help me and I will show you how. She then told him that God liked us to help one another. They were not even aware that that small act had touched my heart. They were only going about their business but I was standing amazed. I grew up with a different reality. Words of inadequacy and unworthiness were spoken over me from a young age and continued at times even to this day. The scenario would have been similar but oh so different. Contrary to what some may believe, I know how to "get my hands dirty." I grew up working in the yard every Saturday. I think that my father just treated Danielle and I as if we were his little boys. I am grateful for this today because it taught me about hard work and many other things. So, yes I can relate to helping out in the yard or building houses but I never remember situations like the one I observed today. Most things I was expected to know how to do and do perfectly on my own and if there was a mistake I knew there would be yelling. I NEVER would have been told so gently how to help paint and I never would have had that followed by words of God. I have often been told that I can't do it right, I am stupid, I am an idiot, I am selfish, I am fat....The list goes on and on. These words that were spoken over me my entire life have shaped me and become a part of me. They were most likely forgotten slips of the frustrated tongue, intensified by the consumption of alcohol... but they have power over me even to this day. The words we speak are not "just words." Words have power. " Every time we speak, we either advance the kingdom of life or we advance the kingdom of death." They say that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I have heard this phrase from a young age and now that I am an adult I am realizing more and more that it is absolute hogwash! The saddest part is that the evil words spoken over us are the ones that stick with us like a leach,  words of compassion come and go almost as fast as they came. For some of us even those can be words of evil....when we give them the power to be. There are times when we are complimented and become convinced that the person truly didn't mean it and then we think up all the horrible things that the person thinks about us. I can still account for numerous evil words spoken over me... What I believe I have to do now is trust in God's love and in God's word. The evils of this world are all around us and always attacking us. The devil thrives on words... He is NOT The heavenly father so he can not hear the words in our minds but only the ones spoken aloud. These words are the ones with the power to advance the kingdom of death over us. I am getting on a bit of a rant so I will now try and reel this in. 

For me the most powerful revelation of all of this is the fact that yes these words have been spoken over me, many creating permanent scars on my heart, mind, and soul.... however, Through Jesus Christ these words do not have to forever be looming over me. God views me as a worthy daughter and not any of the horrible words I have come to believe myself to be through years of emotional abuse.  It brings tears to my eyes to think that every single one of these scars can be lifted off of me and no longer have power over me through the name of Jesus Christ. Words are powerful but most powerful of all is our heavenly father through him ALL things are possible.... 

This makes me also think about how I speak to others. For we may speak evil over others without even knowing it... 

My main points:

 1.) Our words have great power. 

2.) We are not of the words spoken over us, we are of GOD. 

" Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may even kill me."