It is so natural to get sucked into the worldly aspects of the holiday season. It seems to me that just as all worldly things that become number one on our list, the worldly aspect of Christmas can seem irresistibly appealing to our human eyes. I mean who doesn't like to get gifts and lose oneself in fantasies like the belief Santa Claus? This season is also a time when we all seem to become more stressed and depressed. Phrases like "it's the most wonderful time of the year" are all around but many of us are just "trying to get through the holidays." Why is this? I believe that it boils down to the fact that we become so wrapped up in the materialistic qualities of the season and we completely lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas. If God is not number one on our list he does not fall anywhere on our list. He does not want to be number two or three. It's so easy to become so consumed with the temptations of life here on earth that we forget about him. I mean why do we need him when we have such a rapidly advancing technology? We desire to have all of our human needs met and met with instant gratification..
The truth of the matter is that no matter what multitude of riches we collect here on earth we can not buy the only thing that truly fulfills our every need. No one can buy their way into heaven without seeking Jesus Christ. We not only have to seek him but place him on as number one ruling over our entire life. My point is that Christmas has become so world focused and with this focus our expectations are never fully met. Many people's depression or sadness levels actually increase throughout this season due to many reasons. When we place the Lord as the center focus of our lives and turn our lives completely over to him we receive treasures that no amount of money can purchase. Christmas is meant to be a celebration of the birth of our Lord and savior. We all participate in giving and receiving of gifts but we forget the greatest gift of all. The gift paid by Jesus Christ on the cross. God sent his only son to save the world from all sin. When Jesus is in our heart, we have already received the only gift we could ever need. Forgiveness of our sin and a place in heaven's eternal kingdom.
The past few weeks have been difficult. I have felt very depressed and a little hopeless. I have been battling the eating disorders temptations to "fix" all my problems. Events have triggered the eating disorder to rage even louder than I was already battling. I arrived at Christmas Church service feeling very depressed with many thoughts of self-hatred and also battling eating disorder thoughts and attacks on my body. I began to worship, when suddenly I felt God convicting me. It was as if he was telling me he understood all that I was facing but that if I would only open my eyes, heart, and arms to him he would heal me. I felt him shift my heart from focusing on the hurt to focusing on the blessings. I then realized all that evil had been deceiving from me. Yes, I have a lot of hurt and shame in my heart. I also have a few amazing friends that are more like family to me. I have been blessed with friendships that extrude love for God. Friends that support one another, love one another, challenge one another, and most importantly worship their heavenly Father together. I have a wonderful sister, two incredible grandmothers, and a family that is extremely dysfunctional but very loving. When I was engulfed in the depths of my eating disorder, God never gave up on me. He was always there calling for me day after day until the day that I finally was able to hear his calling. Jesus Christ saved me from death physically, mentally, and spiritually. No matter how far away I was from him he never gave up and he never stopped loving me.
I am not yet to a place that I can fully believe and trust in the fact that I am loved unconditionally or a place in which I love myself unconditionally. I still hurt and battle depression but there is one thing I can confidently say. I am BLESSED. This Christmas I vow to set all else aside and focus on gratitude for my many blessings. I want to celebrate Jesus this Christmas. I vow to celebrate his birth and the true meaning of Christmas.
Love in Christ,
Laura Katherine
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