For many people this may sound completely absurd but in many ways I find myself terrified of freedom. I could go on and on about the exact fears I am referring to and why they are so paralyzing but I want to put the focus of this post on a topic I believe many can relate to. Insecurity.

Lately I find myself asking why is it that when I am in the midst of worship I am able to completely let go of fear and all insecurities in my mind, yet the rest of the time I am walking around in constant fear. I have a daily battle in my mind encompassing everything that I do. I spend a lot of time hating myself, feeling unworthy, wishing I could completely crawl out of my skin, and convincing myself that everyone else see's me the way I see myself. I find myself always wanting to hide away.
When I am in worship is the time I feel God's presence the strongest and it is this time that saves me. It gives me a break from all of this. I am able to let go. I stop caring about what people around me think. I stop comparing myself to others. I stop the negative thoughts in my head. Really I should say God stops it. This time in his presence I am free... free and not afraid. I pour out my heart, sing out loudly, raise my hands with no hesitation, maybe even dance a little! I find myself in complete awe of his presence and the rest of the world stops.

Why can't I carry this feeling around with me everywhere I go? He is with me all of the time, everywhere I go, no matter what happens. Even when I don't feel his presence he is with me. ALWAYS.
What would life look like if I were able to channel the freedom and liberation I feel when in full on worship and live by it?? I have been on this journey of healing and changing for a long, long time and I have a long way to go but with Christ, all things are possible. He has already moved me, comforted me, and saved me so many times. I have to keep pushing through and maybe, just maybe one day I will live in this complete freedom. After all, Jesus came and died for our sins. I don't want to let my fear keep me from living life for him. I can't let what he did on the cross be for nothing. He has saved my life so many times. If I simplify everything that weighs me down and holds me back... all of it stems back to a few simple things... one of these being FEAR.
The enemy uses fear like a knife. But you know what??? GOD IS GREATER,BIGGER,STRONGER. HE NEVER FAILS.
The journey has been long and painful and continues to be so... but one thing is for sure. God never leaves me or forsakes me. I have to keep pushing through and trusting in him. He didn't sacrifice his one and only son so that I could live in chains. He did it so that we all could be FREE and made clean. His word tells us that he has a great plan and purpose for each and everyone of us. He cares deeply for each of us. I strive to live a life by his word. A life in which I trust not in my own thoughts but only in his word. A life where I find my worth in him and him alone.

God is present in our lives everyday, everywhere, no matter what. Don't let the enemy blind you and hold you captive to lies. 


So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18 


Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. Luke 12:7