Unconditional Love

            Unconditional love...what a concept? Not love until you mess up love until you disobey love until you make a mistake not love until you find out they don't love you at all not love until they abandon you not love with self seeking prophecy beneath not any kind of "conditional" love. I can't seem to even fathom that someone could love me unconditionally. My life has been filled with love but many times this love has been broken, revoked, or come with great suffering. Lately, I have been attempting to grow to  Believe that God has a eternal, unconditional love for me. This has been greatly emotional for me to grasp. When it is in regards to others I am quick to confidently say God loves them always. I mean it is taught all throughout scripture. Somehow when it comes to accepting that this love also applies to me, things get foggy. 

              After all that I have done, How could he love ME unconditionally? I often have this sinking feeling that I can not be "cleaned" that I am forever "ruined." I also look back at all the years I spent lost. All the years I spent worshiping an eating disorder that blinded me from him completely. I have been so far away from him that I lost all hope and thought about taking my own life to end the pain. After all that I have done, how could God love me? I am still learning to love myself so how I am I to trust in Gods everlasting love for me? 

               The realization that gravitates me towards the belief of this great love is his faithfulness to me. Throughout all of these years, he has been there with me. When I was completely lost, he saved me. I had no strength, no hope.... yet here I am today. I am alive and fighting everyday to give my life to Jesus rather than turn it back over to the reigns of the disorder. Even though I couldn't hear, see, or feel his presence in the darkness, he has always been there. It amazes me to look back at all the different miracles he blessed me with...some of them miracles I didn't even know were happening at the time. No matter how hopeless and unmotivated I was he ALWAYS was there. He wasn't just there he was always calling me out of the darkness. The factor many people (including myself) don't realize is that just because we don't hear him doesn't mean he is absent. We have to be ready, open, and earning to listen to his calling. When I listen, I feel his presence and love. I just sit in awe thinking about this realization. Last night I was caught up in all of these thoughts. Just in disbelief that he could love me with this great a love. This morning I sat reading in the book of Matthew when I came across the verse that says....

 "And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. ³¹ So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." 

          These words stuck me right at the heart. God created me and he knows me down to the very last detail. He has known and loved me before I even truly loved or knew him. When I was lost he did not simple give up and say oh well, I have many others that will listen to me and love me. No, he stood beside me and continually called out to me until I was saved by his great name. That is unconditional love. The holy spirit is with each of us wherever we may go and if we will only listen he will lead the way. 

What an amazing God. 

Love in Christ, 

Laura Katherine 

I chose you when I planned creation…
Ephesians 1:11-12

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope…
Jeremiah 29:11

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you…
Psalm 34:18