Relinquished hearts

What is a source of both intense elation and deep sorrow? It can be thrown around flippantly or reserved for only the most intimate of moments and relationships. It can burn in our hearts passionately or painfully. It can be cherished and it can be taken advantage of...

Love.

How many times a day do we use the word love? We use it constantly... (I love Starbucks, I love Alabama football, I love that dress) Do we think about the words meaning? Do we even know the words meaning?

I struggle with love. Real love. I know I am loved in a general sense but I have never really experienced unconditional love. A lot of times, love seems to come with stipulations, rules, and circumstances. The people I have loved most earnestly have hurt, abandoned, or rejected me in some way. Love is often used as a threat. "If you do this.... I won't love you anymore." This is said directly at times but often conveyed in a concealed threat or action. Please do not read this as a call for pity or a message of personal victimization. Everyone has experienced this type of conditional love before and I want to speak to that by sharing my experiences.

Because of my past, I have difficulty believing in unconditional love (especially from men). Therefore, I deeply struggle with acceptance and belief in the ultimate love. The love of God.

Recently, I received a message from someone I once loved. Two years later and my heart is still seared by the thought of him. How could he say he still loves me when he abandoned and abused me? For a long while now, I have been convinced and afraid I will be alone forever. Convinced that real love doesn't exist. Convinced that if it did I wouldn't be chosen to receive it. Convinced I am unlovable. Due to a few reasons, this belief and fear has been looming over my mind.

A few days ago I was in a time of worship when suddenly I felt that God was telling me.." Laura, let me love you..let me show you what love is." As if that wasn't powerful enough, later that day I read my nightly devotional by Nouwen. He wrote about letting God love us and letting God come into our deepest wounds. We tend to hide our wound with a band-aid and run far away from anyone who tries to rip it off or even look at it. God doesn't want to "rip off our band-aid," he wants to pour into us and heal us first. He already knows our heart and our thoughts. What he desires is for us to relinquish our heart to him, allow his healing hands to hold us, and change our lives forever. He doesn't want us to just forget about our damaged heart. He wants us to see the pain as he does--see it for what it is. CLEAN and PURE. Everyone of us has a damaged heart. Everyone of us has a fear. Everyone of us have felt and carried around shame. Jesus is calling us to accept what has ALREADY been DONE. We have been FORGIVEN, MADE CLEAN, and GRANTED FREEDOM!!!  

Jesus suffered crucifixion and death, and OVERCAME... he is not afraid or offended by our past, present, or future. He simply wants to live in us mind, body, and soul. He wants to help us RECEIVE and LIVE IN the gift he has already given.