Aches

Ache- A continuous or prolonged dull pain in a part of one’s body.

Life is full of aches. They are often both physical and emotional. Science can provide as much evidence against it as it wants, but I firmly believe our hearts can ache. If you have experienced an emotional pain so deep that it physically hurts, you know what I mean. Many life events can beget this type of searing pain. Death of loved ones. Divorce. Abuse. Severed relationships. Failed dreams. Unfaithfulness. The list goes on.

These kind of “life aches” wound our hearts and are often left untreated. We try to deny and repress them instead of acknowledging them for what they are, reaching out for help, and gently stitching them up so that they can begin to heal.

I have a tendency to stubbornly deny my pain. I have a tendency to be impatient with myself. I have a tendency to blame myself. I have a tendency to think I have to do it on my own. There have been many tangible moments in my life to illustrate this. One example is the times I Danced performances or ran with a sprained ankle. I think most of us do this. We may acknowledge the injury enough to stitch it up but then bitterly or impatiently rip out the stitches. This may also be compared to the way we tend to seek a quick fix to our problems. We will often do anything we can to rid ourselves of the unbearable pain. These things often only worsen our state of pain and bring about more pain. Most times it is someone else that is ,in some way, ripping out our stitches.

Why is this? Why do we bury our deepest of aches letting them take hostage a portion of our hearts? Why do we seek solace in things, people, behaviors that NEVER heal or satisfy our brokenness?

There is only one who can take hold of our hearts, clean them, hold them, heal them, and fill them wholly! Jesus Christ can hold, heal, and fill our heart–all of our heart–  The Joy. The love. The dreams. The desires. The holes. The darkness. The broken pieces. The shame. The fear. The aches.

He can only come into and free the heavily guarded, dark holes of our hearts if we allow him! He desperately waits for us to open that door to him. I have asked Jesus into my heart but have only let him look through the key hole to those wounded aching places.

I think that the enemy know all this and he feeds on it. He wants to keep as much of us as he can enslaved to pain, shame, and lies. The more we close the door on God, the less secure our defenses become against attack.

I know I write about this a lot. I hope it doesn’t seem redundant and boring. It is just on my heart. I struggle with love. Love of myself. Love of God. Belief in God’s love for me. Because I am so afraid, I give him my heart but still guard those wounded areas. It seems when I begin to relinquish some of the pain over to him, Satan is ready to attack the “aches” back into hiding.  

Yesterday, something happened. One of those events that seem to rip out the stitches, leaving us feeling defeated, angry, and alone. As you may have read in my previous post, I recently began attempting to open up these areas of my heart and allow God to love me and show me his, real, unconditional, and radical love. Normally, I would shut down, revert back to old coping behaviors, and shut out God. Normally, the enemy would win. I want this time to be different. I don’t want Satan to win this battle. This won’t be easy but I am going to try. I am still feeling defeated, angry, and alone… but I am choosing to obey. (thanks Pastor Chris for the sermon last night) Not merely obey in the submissive, authoritative way we hear the word… but obey by remaining as open as I can to him and his plead to let him love me. This means obeying in practical ways as well… for me that means denying temptations to take control with old maladaptive ways, spending time with him, worshipping him and no other, and seeking his truth over the enemies lies.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. Revelation 21:4

Please pray for me in this.

Love in Christ,

Laura Katheine