Armor

" Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes...and pray in the spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers..." Esesians 6:10-11

I sat in church yesterday with tears forming in my eyes and a heart overflowing with emotion. I felt ashamed of myself for my past ways. I kept thinking about all of the time I spent completely lost from the lord and the life he gives me. I spent so long stuck in "dead" place. A place where I worshiped a terrible disease every second of everyday instead of worshiping my heavenly father. I didn't even acknowledge him. With all the time spent worshiping my eating disorder, I had and made no time for the lord. How could I have done such a thing?? How did I let all of these things happen? The first time my therapist told me that I am fully worshiping my eating disorder and not God... I became extremely angry and didn't believe her one bit. Now my eyes and mind are clear and I know that I truly was doing just that. How lucky am I that when I turned away from the lord he never gave up on me. He blessed me with cennections with the most wonderful women I have ever known. He blessed me with the time I needed in treatment but never thought I would get or want. He blessed me by allowing my body to heal after all the harm I caused it. He blessed me with all the tools I needed to finally find my way again. I found the Lord again. He truly gave me the breath of life after I had been suffocating for a very long while. He helped me see the well lite path the he has paved for me and allowed me time to slowly turn away from the dead end I was headed towards and to the path only he knows because he has planned it specifically for me. I still have days when I allow the thoughts to take over and bring me back a few steps but overall I believe the only direction I am striving for is forward. I was reminded of the verse above yesterday. I thought about all these things that often weigh heavy on my heart. ( Bad words in know BOOOP ;) ) I want to do just what the verse comands. I want to face this evil by putting on the full armor of God. With God's help, I can put on this armor to fight off the BAD body image, the self hatred, the temptation on my ED, the urges to restrict or over exercise, the anxiety and fear... anything that stands in the way of my recovery and my relationship with God has to go. This is the most difficult challenge I have ever faced. Yesterday I really realized I can never acheive a life of freedom without keeping this verse close to my heart and mind daily. I can never heal without the help of the lord. The only way I have been able to take any inch forward on the path towards recovery is with the help of him. I have become exausted after all the times I have slipped and all the inner battles I fight daily. I know now that I can never do this alone. Today I will put on the full armor of God and stand against all evil.

Laura Katherine