Decisions

Every moment of every day we all have choice and all must make decisions. This sounds simple but for me it is very enlightening. Yesterday, someone very special to me asked, "What do YOU want to do?" It was not until today that I realized how momentous those words were. This question led me to take time to think and journal about what I really wanted. For the first time in my life, someone asked ME what I wanted. My entire life has been about what EVERYONE else wanted me to do. I have grown up always having the people in my life tell me exactly what I have to do and how I should do it. No one ever asked me what it was that I wanted to do. Today I thought about what I wanted and it felt liberating. I just wrote out the things my heart desires. Not what my eating disorder wants. Not what my dad wants. Not what my mom wants. The only thing in this life that really matters is what God wants. I know he wants me to live a life full of love and joy not one controlled by a disease or determined by others. He has a purpose for me. He is the only one who knows what that purpose is and I am the only one that can find it. Everything happens for a reason. God has purpose in all things. There have been times in which I have felt unwort
hy, alone, defeated. I felt that the world was crashing around me and I wanted to find the exit. I experienced very dark moments that I will never forget. I made a choice to keep fighting minute by minute. I had no idea what I was fighting for... all I wanted was to go back to the comfort of my ed or not live at all. I may have lost sight of God but he NEVER gave up on me. God gives us choice and it's up to us to decide. Will I choose the path that may be more challenging but will bring me closer to God? Will I choose the path with instant gratification of worldly materials? Will this decison bring me closer to God's purpose? Will this decision bring me farther away from it than before? Today, I relize that with the lord in my heart, all that matters is me chosing what I want. Today, I will not let my ED be my identity. I will choose to do what I know is best and not give in to it's lie's. Today, I will administer the blessings he gives me daily. As long as we look to the lord and listen... we will know what to do. Today, I choose to listen to the lord and not the controller of my past.

To the special person that cared enough to ask "What do YOU want?"
I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Laura Katherine